You’re all dressed up, looking good and excited to go on a first date with that cute guy/girl you met on Tinder. But an inevitable question comes to mind: What are you going to talk about? After you get past the small talk, you might actually want to get to know the person in front of you better, so you try to move to more personal questions.
As we all know, one subject that is really important (and quite personal) is somebody’s finances, so you might want to try to think of the right questions to ask, so you can have an idea of what is going on in his/her life, without seeming too intrusive.
Since money can be quite a tricky subject, especially if you don’t know someone really well, we’ve put together a list of Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to talking finances on a first date, with a person you’ve just spent a few hours with over a coffee or over a cocktail.
1. Ask him/her what he does for a living
This usually can come across as a very innocent question, but it can actually tell you a lot about who you’re on a date with. Most people who are quite passionate about their jobs would love to share some details about them, since it’s a big part what they do, day-to-day. What’s more, you can figure approximately, how much they are earning in their position. Simply put, this question doesn’t come across intrusive or rude, but can provide you with a general idea of your date’s professional life. Bonus: you might also find out how much he or she prioritizes his/her career over other aspects of their life!
2. Be completely honest if you are asked any questions about your finances
If you want to discuss your dates finances on a first date, you should be prepared to answer some questions yourself! So, if your date strikes up a conversation about finances after you’ve asked him/her a few questions, it shouldn’t come to you as a surprise. Be prepared to answer. And be ready to answer honestly! Match’s Singles in America conducted a recent survey and found that two thirds of people think that lying on a first date is unacceptable. But if you plan on glamourizing your job title or lying about how much you earn, you may want to think twice. After all, the whole thing might turn into a serious relationship at some point and you don’t want to live with a sense of guilt or end up having to keep up with a lifestyle you never had to begin with. Be yourself from the start and the right person will accept you!
3. Talk about the bill
You’ve had a lovely date, everything went perfect, and now the awkward time has come where you are required to do the whole exchanging glances thing when deciding how to pay for the meal. Navigating awkward money scenarios can be difficult, and since it’s a first date, you don’t really know the habits of the person you’re with, so you may find that you have both reached for the bill. To avoid the tension and hesitation, perhaps it’s just better to ask your date how he/she prefers to pay before the bill arrives. Some people prefer to split equally, whereas others just want to pay for their date too. Talking about this can save you a lot of trouble and can actually make things easier overall. Also, this is a great way of getting to know your date, because the way he or she treats this matter can actually reveal a lot about them. What’s more, you can also gain insight into whether you would be a good match.
1. Don’t ask him or her about their exact income
On a first date, you are most likely to be riddled with curiosity and so can feel tempted to ask this question, but this may actually be a really bad idea from all points of view. Everybody can be self-conscious at times, and our income can potentially be one of those things that we may not feel comfortable discussing with someone else, especially on a first date. This is something you will definitely find out more about later if things progress, but it is not necessary to know right now. When and if the time comes to discuss more serious matters and you know each other a little better, they will be open with you. Until then, don’t put pressure on them by asking them this question. You don’t want them to think your only interest in them is due to their earnings!
2. Don’t make any inappropriate remarks if they choose to share financial details about their life
Sometimes, if the discussion flows well on a first date, the person you’re with might feel comfortable to share things about their financial lives that they may not usually choose to disclose to someone they are just getting to know. However, if you notice that this may have been new or difficult for them to discuss, try not to make any inappropriate remarks or observations that could make them feel bad about sharing. When it comes to a first interaction with someone, perhaps it’s better so save any comments like: “Wow, that’s a lot of money you’re spending!” for later. After all, it will only inhibit the conversation and it will make them more reluctant to telling you things in the future. So, try to keep calm, be natural, and try not to hurt their feelings by trying to impose your views on them.
3. Don’t ask about their family wealth
For most people, family is a very personal topic and it might be hard for them to share stories about their family life from the first date. However, when you bring money into the picture, it becomes even more sensitive. Some people have huge family fortunes, whereas others didn’t receive any financial support from their parents in life. Whatever the case may be with your date, it’s probably best if you don’t bring this up as an ice-breaker. It could make them feel very uncomfortable or even offended. In the end, if things do naturally progress then you are going to inevitably going to arrive at this topic eventually. But remember: Slow and steady wins the race!
When it comes to taking finances on a first date, things can get complicated. Whether, you are the kind of person who feels like this is something that should be discussed right from the start or not, it is always important to know what to ask and what to keep to yourself. After all, if the first date proves to be a good one, there is going to be a second one as well. So, it’s probably best to let things flow naturally and see where it goes!